Evergreen Fireside

March 26, 2006

John Davis, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a 53-year old psychotherapist living in Baker City, Oregon. He joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at age 27 after an “intense period of homosexuality and pornography addiction,” which began during puberty. Although the Church was the critical tool in his efforts to overcome his “dual demons,” he still had to figure out how to properly use the tool. For 25 years as a member of the Church, he struggled and continually did all he could do until—along with fasting and a blessed period of disfellowshipment—he experienced a significant change of heart. The burden was lifted and he is a different man who has had all his blessings restored, including his sealing to his wife and three children. Brother Davis opened his private counseling practice in 1999, part of which provides family custody mediations for the Baker County Circuit Court. Church callings have included Elders’ Quorum president and teaching positions, such as LDS Seminary and Gospel Doctrine class.

 Bro. Davis opened by saying he wanted to share his experience with Evergreen because he believes he has something to contribute. He reported being appalled when a friend who teaches at BYU told him that he didn’t feel that “ex-gay” organizations such as Evergreen did any good, because in every instance he was aware of, the person fell away. He said since then, he has had the desire to spread the news that change can and does take place. “There used to be a lot of fear about coming out and admitting to being gay; now it’s fear about admitting you’re ex-gay.”

As a child, he was exposed to his brother’s pornographic magazines. This was the beginning of his sexual addictions. He went to college during the “hippie days,” the sexual revolution, which turned out to be a lie. During this time, he took the path of least resistance. He said he had an inability to relate to women. He then moved to San Francisco and became heavily involved in the homosexual lifestyle. It was there that he learned about the “Moonies,” followers of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, and from them he learned for the first time that there is a difference between right and wrong, good and evil. He said he was led to the gospel in steps, and this was an important one for him. He then reported, to chuckles from the audience, that when he was growing up at home, his parents’ only religion was the Democratic Party.

It was during his time in San Francisco that he began a search for the truth. One night, he saw in his mind’s eye a white statue of a man with long hair, arms outstretched, and clothed in a white robe. On the base of the statue, he read the words, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6)  Later, when he first saw the Christus statue, he recognized it as the one he had already seen. He also had a dream in which he saw Christ walking toward him with arms outstretched. (He said that knowing the identity of the statue ruled out, for him, Krishna, Buddha, and Mohammed, whom he had also studied.)

It was just several days after he began praying to find the true church of Christ that two L.D.S. missionaries knocked on his door. Giving up the drugs was not a problem, he said, but the sex “wouldn’t go away.” He has now been a member of the Church for 25 years, and has worked on his SSA with many bishops, with varying degrees of success. He was married in 1986 to a girl he met at BYU, and they have three children.

Four years ago, he was disfellowshiped because of his SSA. He reads the scriptures daily and prays twice a day. He said these are the basic requirements for “the higher stuff.” After a year, his blessings were restored, including his temple blessings and being sealed to his wife and children, and he has totally abstained from any homosexual activity since.

Brother Davis’ favorite scriptures:

“For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.”  2 Nephi 25:23. We must do all we can do, then by the grace of God, we are saved.

“Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.”  Matthew 17:21.  He reported he has fasted once a week for many years, and it has been a strength to him to overcome his problems.

“We shouldn’t think we’re different from any other members of the Church. It’s just that this trial is ours.”

He said there are “all kinds of crazy things out there” for curing different problems. Not all “cures” work, including for psychological problems. “We should use the Spirit to discern what is right and wrong in finding cures for our homosexuality.”  

He titled the following “Things I’ll Never Forget:”

1. I’ll never forget my conversion to the gospel. I get up at 4:30 every morning, build a fire in the fireplace, and read the scriptures.

2. I’ll never forget the morning I realized my SSA was gone. I’ve had no more temptations. I’ve had a change of heart. After 25 years, I find both men and women attractive, but after fasting one day a week all this time, the attraction to men is diminishing. Could I go back? Yes. But I never will.

“The whole ‘born that way’ thing is irrelevant and stupid. Everything about homosexuality will be gone in the resurrection.”

“My SSA is what I needed in order to learn the lessons about becoming a God and living in the celestial kingdom.”

He then quoted Alma 62:41: “…and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.”  This is the effect of afflictions on us, to be brought down to the depths of humility. 

Brother Davis closed by saying, “We live in a glorious time. We shouldn’t blame others for our situation. Blame can prevent us from changing.”