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My name is Frank. My wife’s name is Anne. We have been blessed with a
number of wonderful children. Several years ago, Craig, who at that time was
a 21-year-old recently returned missionary, told his mother and me that he
was “gay.” We knew that he had been struggling with something, but weren’t
sure what all the issues were. This was something we had never anticipated
and for which we were totally unprepared. We immediately faced several
challenges.
- We felt a huge weight shift from our son’s shoulders onto ours. He no
longer had this huge secret, but we did.
- We blamed ourselves. We wondered what we had done wrong as parents. We
cried and felt pain and sorrow, both for ourselves and for Craig.
- We felt alone. We had no idea where to turn for support. If our son
was dying from cancer we could have told friends and neighbors and
received the support we needed. We felt we were the only parents who had
ever faced this issue.
- We felt the world’s teachings about homosexuality crashing down on us.
A number of years ago, several of Craig’s relatives had come out of the
closet. They and several other close relatives rallied around Craig and
let us know in no uncertain terms that he was born gay and we needed to
accept that fact. We needed to encourage and support him in his gay
lifestyle and love him just the way he was.
- We struggled to continue to receive spiritual direction. While at
times we felt unworthy, we fasted, prayed, and attended the temple. We
wanted to do what was right and best for Craig, for us, and for the rest
of the family.
We did receive the spiritual support and direction that we needed. We
were prompted to make several decision that have been a great help to us.
- We decided to be as Christ-like as possible in all our thoughts and
actions. We were constantly asking each other “What would Jesus do?” We
prayed and searched the scriptures. Especially, we wanted to treat our
son as Christ would treat him. We believe that Christ knows all about
Craig’s attractions, yet he still loves him. We had loved Craig since
the day he was born. Becoming aware of his struggles did not change our
love. This lead to the next point.
- We decided to do everything we could to show Craig we loved him.
This became even more important as we learned about SSA and realized
Craig probably felt that no one could love him once they know of his
sexual attractions.
- We decided that we would keep the covenants we had made at baptism
and in the temple.
- We decided that the prophets, the scriptures, and the gospel of
Jesus Christ were the foundation on which our faith would continue to be
based. This was especially critical at times when we did not have all
the answers. We measured everything we heard and every bit of advice we
received against this gospel foundation. An example of how this helped
us occurred several years ago. I was visiting with a member of the
church who claimed to believe every teaching of President Gordon B.
Hinckley except his teachings relating to SSA. At one point, he said,
“Man is a mammal just like other mammals God has created. There are
examples of homosexual behavior in other mammals so we should expect to
find the same behavior in man.” The Spirit reminded me of our true
relationship with God and I was prompted to say, “We are not one of
God’s creations, we are His Children. We are sons and daughters of a
loving Father in Heaven.” I know this is true. Each time I see Craig, I
am reminded that we are brothers, sons of the same loving Father.
- We decided to trust in the Lord with all our heart.
The Lord has not let us down. He has blessed us with comfort, peace and
inspiration. He led us to a support group for parents, families, and friends
of those who struggle with SSA. We found that we were not alone and learned
how others dealt with the same issues we were facing. We became aware of
Evergreen International. The people and resources at Evergreen have been an
invaluable help to us. Soon our son met and moved in with Mike. Again we
were praying for direction. Again the question, “What would Jesus do?”
Should we invite both of them into our home for family activities,
invite only our son, or neither of them? We wondered what influence they
would have on our other children and what ground rules we should set.
As we fasted and prayed, the Spirit whispered that we needed to continue
to love and associate with Craig. We felt that Mike, as a child of God,
also deserved our love and respect. We decided to invite both of them to
every family activity. We grew closer to Craig and grew to love Mike as
if he was our own son. Neither Craig nor Mike ever did anything
inappropriate while they were in our home. Mike’s family treated them
the same way, for which we were so grateful. The past several years
have been an emotional roller coaster, but what a wonderful ride. My
faith in my Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, is much stronger
now. I testify that they do live and that they love each of us. My
relationship with Craig is much closer now than I ever thought possible.
Anne and I are grateful he is our son. We love him and know that God
loves him. I am beginning in a small way to understand the atonement and
to develop Christ-like attributes. The scriptures have taken on a whole
new meaning. A scripture that summarizes where we are now is Proverbs
3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine
own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct
thy paths. To this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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