The Holy Ghost: Don’t Struggle with Same Sex Attraction without His CompanionshipWendy L. Watson, PhD
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Brothers and sisters, you are my heroes! I have had the privilege of working in my private practice with several of those who struggle with same sex attraction. Every time I hear their stories and experience their courage, I am lifted. So, thank you for your deep core goodness, your strength–in the face of much adversity-- and your determination to be true and faithful to your covenants I feel it a very heavy responsibility to stand at this pulpit tonight. You’ve had two days of attending workshops offered by others who also care deeply about each one of you and who have also wanted to bolster your efforts to live your lives fully and with joy. The only way to do that, of course, is to live the Gospel of Jesus Christ thoroughly, totally and completely! I’ve wondered, pondered, fasted, prayed and gone to the temple in an effort to distill down some thoughts that might be helpful and hopeful to you. The one truth that has helped me the most in preparing these thoughts is that the Spirit is the True Teacher. Therefore, I pray that you will pray for the Spirit to be with you as you listen for these few minutes that we have together, so that you will hear exactly what you need to hear; not necessarily because of anything that I will say, but because of what the Holy Ghost, the 3rd member of the Godhead, will teach you. I learned this truth -- that the Spirit is the True Teacher-- 30 years ago in a very personal way. I was 24 years old, doing graduate work at BYU, wildly in love and engaged to be married. The young man was my absolute dream guy: Returned missionary, well educated, employed, musical, handsome, possessed great social skills, loved my family, and was committed to keeping the Lord’s commandments. ALL the attributes and abilities, on my “husband-to-be wish list”--at the time-- were there! He had them all...or so it seemed. And talk about a courtship! He wrote me poems, songs, and letters of love! I was teaching family history in my BYU singles ward at the time, and with some compelling insights about the importance of the temple, which I had gained through this calling, I chose to receive my endowments a few months prior to the time I was to be married in the temple. What a blessing temple attendance was for me! As I returned to the temple week after week, my world view started to open up, to change. And my view of myself and my fiancé followed. I can clearly see in my mind’s eye the day that I walked out of the Provo temple facing the setting sun, after having gone fasting and praying, seeking an answer to a question that had started to haunt me: “Should I really marry this man?”. A friend who had accompanied me to the temple that day asked, “Well, did you get your question answered?” “I didn’t get the answer,” I replied, “but I know that everything is going to work out”. Freeze frame. I’ve learned through subsequent experiences, that the Spirit of the Lord is involved whenever I find myself feeling: “Everything is going to work out”. Little did I know just HOW everything was going to work out! It seemed that from the very minute I felt those words, the Spirit whispered to my fiancé, who was working out of state: “Show her what you’re really like”. As the days and weeks unfolded, his behavior changed. His letters changed. Our conversations changed. My experience with our relationship changed. And, as I studied it out in my mind, I became increasingly concerned. Enter: a servant of the Lord, my Bishop. In preparation for April General Conference, which was just two weeks away, my Bishop taught me a truth I had never known before. Although I hadn’t spoken to him about my engagement or my concerns, when my Bishop offered his counsel over the pulpit, he was speaking to me. He didn’t use my name-- but I knew-- he was talking directly to me. He even let others listen in. But clearly, he was speaking to me. Here’s the truth my Bishop spoke: “If you have a question that you need answered, if you will take it to General Conference and prayerfully and humbly listen, you will get it answered every time. Perhaps at the time, perhaps over time, but you WILL get your question answered every time!” Did I have a question?!! Absolutely. And I was desperate for an answer from the Lord. I prepared myself for that General Conference by fasting and praying (not an unusual practice for most of us)-- and by purchasing blank audiotapes so that I could tape the sessions for my parents in Canada, as not all Conference sessions were broadcast to Canada in those days. I can still picture the Saturday of that April General Conference. I was sitting in my Provo apartment attending to every word spoken over the TV broadcast. I listened--with my ears, mind and heart poised and ready to hear the answer to my question: “Should I marry this man?” I experienced this day of General Conference unlike any other. It was a highly unusual day of talks, because each and every talk was on marriage! Every single talk! Multiple speakers-- but only one topic: marriage. And the most amazing thing to me was that at the end of all those Saturday addresses on marriage, the clear answer I had received was, “Don’t marry this man.” I can still picture, at the conclusion of Conference, turning off the TV, shutting off the cassette recorder, and walking directly and calmly to the telephone, and dialing my fiancé’s number to cancel our engagement. I wasn’t nervous at all. I was at peace. I had asked. And I had received my answer. So, what’s a young woman to do when she has asked, and then heard and felt the voice of the Lord telling her what to do? What’s a young woman to do... but to follow through? Fast forward several years. I have completed my Masters degree, have worked a couple of years, moved to a new city, dated some great men, and continued to be directed by the Lord to pursue further education. I’m told by a friend that my ex-fiancé is married and is happily involved in family life with his wife and children. Another fast forward a couple of years: It’s Christmas time. And among the cards and letters is something from my ex-fiancé! It’s a lengthy, hand-written letter from this now- no-longer-young man, declaring that he is choosing a life-style inconsistent with Gospel teachings and with Church standards, and telling me of the sorrow that has come to his wife and family since their recent divorce and his declaration. Years ago on that Saturday evening of April General Conference when I ended my engagement, it seemed to many people--many who chided me for the breakup, many who tried to convince me to change my mind-- that I was terminating a relationship with a marvelous young man–a man with whom I could experience much love and joy, as we entered into the covenant of marriage, and commenced raising up a family to the Lord. How unkind could I be? ! How cruel! How unwise to turn away from this great man and his love–especially at my age (I was 24 after all!!) To many people, it seemed like I was throwing away an opportunity of a life-time.. But-- things are not always the way they appear to be. The Lord knew this young man’s heart, mind and actions. And when I asked-- with as much preparation and faith as I could muster--and as I listened to the messages of General Conference-- I was guided (some days it still feels more like “snatched”) away from something that looked good-- but wasn’t. One last fast forward: It is now 6 months following the receipt of that Christmas letter of declaration. I am asked to prepare a Relief Society lesson on marriage. Of course I will–and I know just the audiotapes to review in order to find an excerpt from a General Conference address on marriage, to supplement my lesson. I remember finding the clearly marked tapes, and with anticipation, pushing the “play” button on the audio- tape player. And then, I remember listening and listening for hours, as the talks played on and on. But something was different about the talks this time. Something was missing. To my amazement, there was nothing--absolutely nothing....about marriage! Not one talk-- was on marriage! It had been the Spirit of the Lord that had taught me as I listened to General Conference. The Spirit had helped me to hear exactly what I needed to hear. General conference had been the vehicle. The Spirit had been the messenger. Now, I’ve told that story before. In fact, I told it a few years ago at a BYU-Idaho devotional to help those young students understand that the Spirit can teach them exactly what they need to know in every situation–if they’ll prepare and listen. I also offered them that true account to teach them that things are not always as they appear. (See: “Things are not always as they appear”) Tonight I offer you that true-life story to once again honor the power of the Spirit to teach truths, and also to let you know how I admire you in your efforts to hold to the Gospel rod. I admire your efforts to never give in to the world’s views of same sex attraction. To keep anchored in truth and light and to never succumb to the temptation to choose a lifestyle that will only ravage your life–now and forever. While the adversary is very skilled at using the media to portray joy associated with such a lifestyle, President Boyd K. Packer has clearly counseled in his address entitled “To the One”: “Establish a resolute conviction that you will resist for a lifetime, if necessary, any deviate thought or deviate action. Do not respond to those feelings; suppress them.” President Packer continues: “Suppression is not a very popular word with many psychologists. Look what happened to society when it became unpopular!” (See “Morality”, p. 177). So, what’s the rest of the story about my ex-fiancé? Well, of course, the real rest of the story is between this man and the Savior. As we know, there is enough and to spare of redemptive and enabling power in the Atonement waiting to bless this man’s life-- if he reaches out for the Savior’s healing. If he persistently asks. If he relentlessly seeks. The Lord has said: “Behold, and hearken,....saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor (meaning run to) them who are tempted” (D & C 62:1). What truth-filled words–from the Master Himself! Now, back to one part of the rest of the story: This man and I remained friends, living in two different cities but communicating from time to time through phone calls, letters and later, e-mails. Very shortly after his declaration, I had to travel on business to San Francisco (where he had recently moved) and I arranged to visit with him. We spent a great day talking and walking. Once again his kindness and good humor shone through. He was patient with my questions and actually seemed rather eager to answer. I remember saying to him “Help me understand your choice”. I can’t remember all the details, but I remember it included a story of tragic events, sorrow and struggle. It became clear to me in our discussions that until this man undertook major efforts to forsake his sins and become reconciled to the Savior, his life was on a sadly predictable path. At one point in an effort to lighten the heavy mood and give momentary relief to the intensity of the many hours of conversation, I said to him: “Well, at least we have one thing in common: We both like men!” He kindly laughed at the poor joke of a not-yet-30 year old woman. We talked of his children and his ex-wife. And of his heart-felt desire to remain involved in his children’s lives. These many years later I can still picture where we were standing when he told me of his concern that his wife did not want him to have much contact with their children. When I was with him, I felt his anguish and mirrored some of the outrage that he had about his prescribed peripheral parenting–which felt like punishment to him. But as I flew back home on the plane I thought: “Wendy, don’t be so judgmental of his wife. You can be supportive to this man precisely because you didn’t marry him. He didn’t change your life and your children’s with his lifestyle choice.” And at that point, my heart went out to his wife, wondering how she was doing. Praying that she would be blessed ten-fold for the sorrow she must be feeling. Talk about trying to live fully the unexpected life! As the years went on this man wrote emails that reflected the ups and downs of his life. One email would be euphoric, telling of his latest scheme, new dream. The next: reporting being hospitalized for clinical depression. Over time his life unraveled more and more into ruins. Career ruin. Financial ruin. Health ruin–including becoming HIV positive. While we know that this illness is not exclusive to those who irresponsibly act on their feelings of SSA, this illness had caught up to him. He also experienced relationship ruin. His companion that he “absolutely knew” was going to stand by him through thick and thin, the one that he was forming a “family” with and that he would “marry” if only it would be legal–could not handle this man’s illness-- and left! So much for the prospect of “in sickness and in health”! And saddest of all–this man experienced spiritual ruin. Tragically, he continued to turn away from the truths of the Gospel, and turn toward enslaving and erroneous views of sexual intimacy, love and life. Now, in contrast to this man, let me tell you of one of my clients. In his struggle with SSA, he had become mired in same-sex pornography. I remember one day he came to a therapy session, very discouraged. He was down on himself for how “stupid” he had been for looking at SS pornography on the previous Saturday night and then staying home from Church on Sunday. He was inconsolable. He had been making such great progress since we had commenced therapy a few weeks earlier, and now-- he felt like he would never succeed. Seeing his distress made me want to put big, bold warning signs on every Internet site, book, magazine, videotape, sitcom, and movie co-produced by the adversary. Such signs would reveal Lucifer’s works for what they are: Satan’s angry protests against God. His persistent, power-hungry efforts to obliterate the truth! Just for starters, anything that presents cunning, contorting and counterfeiting views of sexual intimacy needs to be stamped: “More lies”–with a forewarning: “If you CHOOSE to open this-- you will be GIVING the adversary more power over you”. Please notice the emphasis on those two words: choose and giving, and let me repeat that again: “If you choose to open this–you will be giving the adversary more power over you.” I thought of several other warnings (See “Purity and Passion” p.60 - 62 ) that could be displayed on all of Lucifer’s contaminating materials to help my client in his struggle to get from under the influence of SS pornography. Let me share four of those that I shared with him: Warning #1—to be stamped on the cover of the adversary’s magazines: “Contents highly addictive. Extremely corrosive-to-the-soul materials enclosed. Be prepared to have your mind twisted, your views of love ravaged, and your spirit shrunk. Be aware that the Spirit of the Lord will not be with you during or after viewing. Be prepared that after an initial rush, you will experience feelings of depression, loneliness, despair, and guilt. However, with repeated exposures over time, you can numb those feelings—and enter into almost total amnesia about who you really are and about truth itself.” Warning #2—for the beginning of Satan’s co-produced movies: “The following scenes are brought to you with the hope that you will think of yourself as an animal. Actually, the dung from an animal is more pure and would harm you less if taken into your system! Extreme caution needed. This movie will make you believe that lust is really love—and that all love really is, is lust! This movie will have its greatest effect if watched when you feel misunderstood, alone, blue, or simply that you don’t fit in. If you aren’t in any of these moods, watching the movie will actually help you get there. If you are in one of those moods, your spirit will be more vulnerable, and thus, your ability to distinguish good from evil will be even more quickly extinguished!” I offered my client: Warning #3—for the devil’s Internet connections: “Share the following with someone whose soul you would like to destroy. Complete success is ensured if you can offer it in the spirit of friendship and under the guise of love. By thinking and talking together about the content, all sweet, pure feelings will be distorted into grand perversions. Pick a perversion—any perversion. That, in fact, may be one of the last choices you will get to make. In fact, if you’re tired of making choices, just view the following several times—or just keep immersing yourself in similar material—and your freedom will be increasingly limited with each viewing. The irony is that you will have the illusion that your freedom is actually increasing! We’ve taken this way beyond the old smoke-and-mirrors tricks. The illusions that will deceive your heart and mind will be stunning! Virtual reality is here to replace virtuous living.” And... Warning #4—to announce the adversary’s influence on prime-time viewing: “How many lies can you find in the following sitcom–better said “sick com”. If you can’t find any—Gotcha! In the following, we’ll offer you ideas that you’ve never before entertained! But, with repetition and humor, we’ll slowly dilute the initial recoiling of your spirit—and you’ll begin to forget that there was ever a time when you didn’t believe these lies to be true.” Brothers and Sisters, anything and everything we see influences our cells and our spirits! When my client involved himself in SS pornography, his spirit and the very cells of his body were affected in a very real, and palpably negative way. Everything we see influences our minds and our hearts. Our thoughts and our feelings. Our spirits and our bodies. Have you been viewing or reading material that is wounding your spirit and negatively effecting your body and therefore, making your battle with SSA more difficult? The truth is that where we look, what we look at, makes a difference–to our spirits and to our bodies. No wonder the Lord offered us the following powerful, light-filled truth in D & C 88: 67 “...if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you.” What a promise! Just think: As my client keeps his eye completely focused on the Savior, my client’s whole body can be filled with light, and there will be no darkness in him–no darkness in his spirit, no darkness in his body. My client would like to have a body that is filled with light! And he would love having no darkness in him. He feels that he has struggled with darkness long enough. What a relief that would be for him! So, think for a moment about your own focus, and the amount of light....the wattage...in your body at present. Could you use some extra light? Isn’t it incredible to realize that what you look at–with both your spiritual and your natural eyes-- determines the amount of light-- in your body?!!–as well as in your spirit. What would be different for you, if your body had just even 10 % more light in it? Just a tithing’s portion more? What do you think you might feel and experience in your body with 10 % more light? While you’re thinking about that, consider the further promise from D & C 88:67: “and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things” Think for a moment about what you would be able to comprehend if your eye were more single to God? If you focused your eyes only, exclusively, on the Savior, what would you be able to see and to understand-- that you can’t right now? Now, let’s talk a bit more about focus. Where are you looking, these days? Are you looking at the past? Or are you looking to the future? Are you looking down–as my client was as he came to therapy that day? Down onto the floor, down on himself, down on life. Or you looking up? And, are you looking up--high enough? Let me tell you a true story of looking up. Way up: Years ago a psychologist by the name of Dr. Eden Ryl set up a challenge for herself to shoot an aspirin-sized target with a BB gun! She had never even held a gun in her life–let alone shot one; but she wanted to attempt this very difficult, even seemingly impossible, task–and she set a time limit for herself–I think it was 15 minutes. She started with a step-by-step approach–initially shooting at large metal disks, successfully hitting them. Then she shot smaller and smaller disks–5 inches in diameter, 4 inches, 3 inches. All the while, her coach kept encouraging her focus: “Just keep your eye on the target” he would say, as he threw the disks up into the air, one by one. He didn’t want her to aim. He only wanted her to keep her eye on the target, to let her body respond to what her eye was seeing, and to pull the trigger. Eden Ryl did exactly what her coach counseled and, she successfully hit each and every disk! It was unbelievable. She had gone from being one who had never even held a gun to suddenly–literally in moments-- looking like an expert marksman! She was excited. Ecstatic actually. And then when the 2-inch disk was launched, something changed. She shot and missed. Over and over again she shot. But the bullet missed each time. She was ready to give up. She was not even able to hit the 2-inch disk, which was obviously much larger than an aspirin. How would she ever hit the aspirin? At this point she was fighting back tears. Perhaps this entire experiment was just ridiculous. Perhaps she just couldn’t do it and should quit right now. She’d already made more progress than many people ever thought she would make. And she’d gone from never even shooting a gun to being able to successfully hit a 3-inch disk. Perhaps it would be fine to stop now. But her expert coach had a different idea. He knew that it was possible for her to shoot the aspirin with the BB gun. So he had her take a little break from the pressure of trying and failing. He walked with her, and talked to her about a truth she’d never known: He taught her that she was failing because her sights were not high enough. They were too low. Consistently as she looked at the target, she was looking too low. And her body–in this case, her arms in their effort to hold the gun-- was responding in concert to that low view. She was missing the target-- shooting just under the disk every time–because she wasn’t looking high enough. So, the coach asked her to draw a target in her mind just above the actual disk-target. He asked her to look up. Way up. With this counsel in mind, she did as directed. She looked at the higher target that she could now see in her mind’s eye. And as she focused upward, an amazing thing happened: her body responded to the new, higher target which her mind’s eye saw, her arm raised in perfect harmony, and she successfully shot the 2-inch disk, the 1-inch disk ..and then......she shot the aspirin! It was a thrilling moment for Eden Ryl and for all those who had the privilege of witnessing the event! Now, think about your own situation for a moment: Have you been looking too low when it comes to SSA? And therefore, could it be that your struggle with SSA has been more difficult than it needs to be? Where have you been looking? What has your target been? Has your target been a bit too influenced by the world and its view of SSA? Or even influenced by the adversary himself? As promised in D & C section 88, magnificent things can happen, when you look to and at the Savior. When He is the target in your mind’s eye. And, as verse 67 says: When your eye is single to Him, totally focused on Him, your body will respond to your new, higher view, and it will be filled with light. So, if your struggle with SSA is becoming more and more difficult, check your target. It may just be time to look up. Way up! One way to raise your sights-- lifting your thoughts, feelings and actions in the process--is to focus on eternal truths about sexual intimacy that are part of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Let me tell you of my client’s experience with this. On the day which I mentioned earlier--when my client came to me after he had had a demoralizing relapse with SS pornography-- his sights and his spirits were low. Very low. Influenced by the adversary’s lies about love and sexual intimacy, my client’s behavior had been lowered as well. He was doubting if he could ever succeed with managing, let alone conquering, his SSA thoughts and feelings which now felt just plain overwhelming. As I mentioned earlier he was discouraged, angry, and very resistant to every one of my therapeutic offerings that day–that was until we started to talk about the truths about sexual intimacy (See Purity and Passion: Spiritual Truths about Intimacy that will Strengthen your Marriage) I can still picture him as we talked about some truths that could set his thoughts and feelings and actions free. As we talked, I watched his countenance change. And his breathing. At one point, this man, who had presented with what seemed to be a steel vault around his heart and mind at the beginning of the session, wept from the very depths of his soul as the truths about sexual intimacy began to register in his heart and mind. We talked about many truths that started to shift his focus upward. We talked about the truth that sexual intimacy is ONLY possible between a husband and wife. That any other union is not sexual intimacy–nor can it ever be! That anything else is only a reasonable facsimile–or better said–a very unreasonable facsimile! We talked about his experiences with short-lived hormonal rushes and what a sorry substitute he was settling for. In the words of Truman G. Madsen, my client was settling for a “flute” when the Lord wanted him to experience the “whole orchestra”! We talked about the truth that personal purity and intimacy go together. That increased personal purity leads to an increased capacity for intimacy. He had never ever considered that before. “You mean the more pure my thoughts and feelings and actions are, the more truly intimate I’ll be able to be?” Yes. Well, that caught his attention–especially because lately, he had begun to worry if he would ever be able to know and experience true love. I watched him savor this truth, rolling it over and over in his mind, and allowing it to begin to lodge in his heart: Increased personal purity leads to an increased capacity for intimacy. Brothers and sisters, it really is true! Husbands and wives can never experience true sexual intimacy without ongoing efforts on each spouse’s part to become increasingly pure. This led us to talk about another truth. We talked about the truth that passions which have been purified by the Holy Ghost–we could call them: “pure passions”–are always greater in every way than passions which have not been purified by the Spirit. That’s what Parley P. Pratt taught –and it’s true. The Holy Ghost really will “increase, enlarge, expand, and purify all the natural passions and affections” (see Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt, p. 280). In my client’s struggle with SSA, he felt like his natural passions were almost non-existent because they had become so contorted and contaminated over the years. This truth-- that the Holy Ghost would increase his natural passions, enlarge and expand his natural passions, and purify his natural passions--was almost more than he could take in. And yet, he could feel the truth. At that point we talked about the need for him to pray–relentlessly, persistently pray–for the Spirit to bless his natural passions. To plead for them to be magnified in every way. Following some early life experiences, which had aroused and contorted my client’s natural sexual feelings, he had immersed himself in SS pornography for many years. Thus, impure thoughts and feelings had ruled him relentlessly for almost 40 years. Therefore, he knew he would need to pray morning, noon and night to counter those 24-hour-a-day destructive impulses. He would need to “never cease to pray”–to pray when driving–eyes open; pray when walking down the halls at his work, pray when grocery shopping. He was eager to plead to his Heavenly Father and to add fasting to those prayers, believing that “such things cometh not out but by fasting”. We talked for a moment about the privilege of him seeking to have the Holy Ghost as his constant companion. He didn’t have to feel alone–or to be alone–ever again! The 3rd member of the Godhead could be right there by his side as he prayed for, and lived for, the Spirit’s companionship. He loved this truth: The Holy Ghost could be his companion! We talked about what he might be more inclined to do and to say with the Holy Ghost right by his side. And, what he’d be less inclined to do–and to view! I asked him many questions: * How would he move through his day with the Spirit right there by him? * How would his efforts to resist the temptation to watch SS pornography be bolstered by the presence of the Holy Ghost? * What would happen to his SSA thoughts and feelings with the Spirit right there by him–especially if my client would remember that the Holy Ghost has the power to purify and increase his natural passions? We talked about my client’s use of time. The night time was always the toughest time for him–and weekends. * How would he choose to use his time during these difficult times, if he pictured the Spirit being right there by his side? * What projects would suddenly be more interesting to my client? * What problems and anxieties would almost fall away? At this point I offered my client an experiment. For 5 days, in his morning prayers he was to pray with concerted effort for the Holy Ghost to be with him that day. Then throughout the day as he encountered any difficult, tempting or trying situation, he was to pray for, and really picture, the Spirit being right there with him. He was willing to try it especially after I told him about the experiences of 8 women from the ages of 18 - 55 who tried this very same 5-day experiment–each for different reasons (See Let Your Spirit Take the Lead). Let me tell you what I told him: The experiences of these women blew us all away! They came to know for themselves--in an incredibly short amount of time--and in very tangible ways--the truth of Nephi’s words when he said: the Holy Ghost...will show unto you all things what ye should do. These women experienced: * an increased desire to de-junk their physical environments * a greatly reduced desire to watch TV * an increased desire to reach out to others, and to follow through on commitments –to others–and to themselves! * an increased ability to be kinder, gentler, more patient * an increased desire to take care of their bodies by living the Lord’s law of health–more fully. (One noticed that she started thinking much MORE about Life and much LESS about food, and that made all the difference!–she said) These women experienced an increased ability to quickly see how they could have handled a situation better (including “mothering moments” that went awry!) They experienced INCREASED mental focus and an increased ability and desire to really study and learn. They found that old habits of backbiting, gossiping, and cynicalness fell away. They couldn’t believe how that happened. But it did! And they experienced a dramatic increase in their physical energy because ENERGY DRAINING negative emotions were gone. A shift in priorities occurred. And–listen to this–they experienced an unbelievable reduction in stress. The women experienced profound changes in their conversations with others. In fact they believed their slogan should be: The Holy Ghost: Don’t have ANY conversations without Him! A first year university student commenting on this, said “I felt more confident with people. I listened in a different way to my friends and I knew how to respond to those who were having problems. It was like I knew what I said was true, and so did they. A middle-aged mother and grandmother said “I was able to express some concerns to my husband in a way that he could really hear them. Usually when I’ve tried in the past, I’m either too emotional or I soft-pedal the whole thing--because I don’t want to upset him. In either case, I’m not taken seriously. This time, with the Spirit with me, I had a voice. It was like the Holy Ghost gave me my voice. I felt empowered—although that’s not quite the right word. I had a clarity of thought and a clarity of expression that was beyond me. In fact, when I look back on the situation I think: “That wasn’t me”–and yet--I’ve never felt more like myself.” One woman experienced the Spirit helping her to know what NOT to say! “A colleague had been rather rude to me the day before (she said) but-- this day, really thinking about the Spirit being with me--I didn’t feel any irritation. No malice. I also didn’t feel like punishing him with either sarcasm or cold silence. He came to me and apologized and I felt very calm. I felt like I should just listen, and be silent. I felt like I was being taught how to “Be Still”–inside and out. Actually, I believe I was being taught how to be more Christ-like–both in my actions and my feelings.” One woman felt quite discouraged and disappointed in herself at the end of the 5 days. “It’s been a week of ups and downs and I have many regrets” , she said. “These five days have been a huge wake up call for me. I let my physical body, that was tired and exhausted, take over my spirit, and I discovered that my spirit really can’t be as open to the influences of THE Spirit-- when my body is in charge”. After hearing these experiences of others who had tried the experiment of praying for and picturing the Holy Ghost being right there by them, my client was very willing to follow through. So--just for a moment-- please take a moment to reflect on your own life: What do you think would happen in your life--for example, to your view of yourself, to your activities, to your relationships, your conversations, your energy level, your anxieties-- if you took the 5 day challenge to pray for and picture the Holy Ghost being right there by your side throughout the day. Being right with you as you encounter any difficult, tempting or trying situation? My belief is that your efforts to do this experiment will open your eyes to some unbelievable things–including some of your strengths that you may have been overlooking. How will this happen? Because the Spirit will be your Teacher as well as your Companion. Now, back to the truths my client and I discussed. We also talked about the grand truth that sexual intimacy is to be a kind of sacrament. It was Elder Jeffrey R. Holland who presented this truth-- as one of three eternal truths about physical intimacy-- years ago at a BYU devotional in his landmark address “Of souls, symbols and sacraments”. (See Morality.) He later reaffirmed those same truths as an apostle of the Lord in October 1998 General Conference. I watched my client as he tried to wrap his mind around this most sacred truth-- namely, that sexual intimacy is to be a kind of sacrament. This truth was 180 degrees different–exactly the opposite-- from anything he had ever heard or imagined before. His parents never talked at all about sexual intimacy and therefore all his ideas had come from some confusing childhood sexual experiences and from SS pornography. We talked about what it could mean that sexual intimacy is to be a kind of sacrament, thinking about parallels to the Sacrament of the Lord’s supper. We talked about the implications for personal purity, and preparation, in order for sexual intimacy to be a time for a husband and wife to draw not only closer to each other, but closer to the Lord. He was amazed to think about the truth that a husband and wife are never closer to the Lord than when joined in true marital intimacy. I remember there seemed to be a palpable calmness that settled down upon my client at this point. I could tell that he was feeling the truth of this stunning truth–that a husband and wife are never closer to the Lord than when joined in true marital intimacy. Brothers and sisters, truths, when embraced and lived, make all of us free. That day in my office with my client, I watched it happen right before my eyes. My client’s degrees of freedom-- to be, to think, to feel and to act-- were increased as he considered and started to embrace these and other sacred truths about sexual intimacy. Truths about sexual intimacy became his new, his higher, target. His sights shifted dramatically upward compared to where he had been looking before. And his feelings and actions started–right in the session–to also be freed up and raised to a higher level. Now, consider these questions: Where is your mind focused these days? What has your target been? Think about the truth that when your target is exclusively the Savior–many mighty miracles can be wrought on your behalf. Over the past 30 years as a marriage and family therapist, I’ve often witnessed the pain of those who are in need of the kind of healing that can only come from the power that is in the Atonement–so that not just the behavior but the behavior changes–inside and out! And that is my belief when it comes to those who struggle with SSA. I believe that it is The Savior’s Power—His Atoning power. His enabling and Redemptive Power-- that is the ONLY power strong enough to heal. I believe that His Healing is the only healing that will ever really make a real difference. A life-giving and love-generating difference. I know that there is POWER in the Atonement–for each and every one who struggles with SSA. And that includes YOU! How do you picture the power that is in the Atonement? Is it like a huge reservoir of healing water in which you can immerse yourself and your life history, and come out clean-- and with a happy ending? One woman saw it that way. Is it like a gigantic warehouse filled with vials of oil clearly labeled with your name? One man saw it that way. How do YOU picture the power FOR YOU that’s in the Atonement? It really is there you know. Or do you? Question: How can you really believe that there is Power in the Atonement–for YOU? And how can you really access its Power? Answer: Through the companionship of the Holy Ghost. I love the advertisement for V-8 juice that shows a woman who has just finished drinking a soft drink. She sits for a moment looking a bit distressed, and then she says, slapping her forehead: “I could have had a V-8!” Fast forward with me and imagine that it’s the end of your life. You look back on your life, and say, slapping your forehead: “I could have had a happy life! I could have helped in so many more ways to build up the Kingdom of God on the earth, if only I had linked up with the Holy Ghost and accessed the power that was in the Atonement for me!” * Why did I spend so much time hanging onto that old negative view of myself, when I could have focused on the truth that I am a daughter (or son) or Heavenly parents which means that I possess divine DNA. * Why did I spend so much time hanging onto those old lies about love and sexual intimacy when I could have immersed myself in the grand truths about sexual intimacy that could have helped to set my thoughts, feelings and actions free? * Why did I spend so much time hanging onto those old hurts from the past when I could have learned to forgive? * Why did I spend so much time hanging onto those old negative habits when I could have learned to repent? And who can teach you how to repent and to forgive? Who can walk and talk you through the rigorous processes? The Holy Ghost. Once again, He is the True Teacher. In closing, I pray that you will ask and seek for the Holy Ghost to be your companion. That you will pray for and picture Him being right there by you. Because He really will: * Purify your passions; * Unravel your troublesome sexual feelings; * Increase your natural passions; * and comfort your feelings of isolation and loneliness. He will help you to keep your eye on the target of the Lord’s glory–allowing more light to come into your spirit and your body. And the darkness can be gone. The Holy Ghost will raise your sights to see –and to feel in a most profound way--the truths about sexual intimacy which can help to set you free. And He will help you access the power for YOU that is in the Atonement–the Redemptive power that you may be in need of ; and the Enabling power–to do things you never thought you could. Do you remember an ad–from years ago-- for a credit card company? It gave the name of the credit card and then said: Don’t leave home without it. Well, I would like to offer you an the truth about power of the Spirit to help you in your struggles–with as much reverence as I can, but also in a manner that may help you remember it. When I think about all that the Holy Ghost can do for you, perhaps the slogan for Evergreen could be either “The Holy Ghost: Don’t struggle with SSA without Him!” or “Let The Holy Ghost be your Companion!” It is my testimony that as you seek for the companionship of the Holy Ghost, He will write upon the fleshy tables of your heart, the truth that a little 5 year old girl blurted out the other day. She came running to her mother–a friend of mine-- and said “Mom, Mom. It’s true. It’s really, really true!” “What honey?” her mother asked. “What’s true?” With all the excitement of one who has just discovered a truth, the little girl exclaimed “Jesus Christ really IS our Savior!” Brothers and Sisters, He is. And He lives. And He loves each one of you. And He is so very mindful of YOU! In the name of Jesus Christ.
Sources Cited Holland, Jeffrey R. “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments” In Morality, compilation. Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992, 152 - 166. Madsen, Truman G. Four Essays on Love. Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1971. Packer, Boyd K. “To the One” In Morality, compilation. Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1992, 167 - 181. Pratt, Parley P. Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1985, 280. Watson, W. L. Purity and Passion: Spiritual Truths about Intimacy that will Strengthen your Marriage. Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 2001. Watson, W. L. Things are Not Always as They Appear. Talk on Compact Disc. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2002 Watson, W.L. Let Your Spirit Take the Lead. Talk on Compact Disc. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2004.
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