Overcoming Pornographyby Jason Park |
In 1984, Elder David B. Haight warned, "Over the past twenty years a plague of pornography has swept across most countries of the world with increasing momentum and devastating impact. What began a few years ago as a few crude picture magazines that startled sensitive people has grown to hundreds of publications, each seeking to outdo the others with increasingly shocking content. . . . New technologies that can bless our lives in so many positive ways are also being used to spread pornographic corruption. Video recorders now can bring to homes . . . lurid portrayals of debauchery that contaminate those who view them."1 Since Elder Haight said this in 1984, pornography has grown more widespread and more crude, and newer technologies make it increasingly easier to access.
Pornography is harmful
Some people rationalize that viewing pornography doesn’t affect anyone but them. They say it is better to relieve their sexual frustrations looking at pornography and masturbating than finding a sex partner. They feel that being the lesser of two evils, it isn’t so bad after all. However, many people can attest to the fact that pornography is addicting. I know of one man who over the course of two years had accumulated eighty-seven videos and more than 700 magazines and spent $27,000 in the process.2
Pornography drives away the Spirit
More important than financial or other reasons, we should avoid pornography because it drives away the Spirit, and we desperately need the Spirit to guide us. The Spirit of the Lord cannot dwell in unholy places (see Alma 34:36).
Pornography feeds fantasies
The images portrayed in pornographic literature and movies constitute a fantasy unfounded in reality. It is a vision of exaggerated masculinity and sex without consequence. The object of the fantasy can be controlled, picked up, put down, and used as the person wants. It allows an individual the illusion of a sexual encounter without actually having to confront another human being.
Pornography feeds sexual fantasies which reinforce the homosexual feelings you are trying to unlearn. These reinforced feelings can work against all the other efforts you make to resolve homosexuality in your life. The fantasies in your mind are a product of all the garbage you allow to enter your mind and once you allow these images in, they become embedded in your memory and can be recalled even years later. Research has shown that sensory stimulation such as arousal through pornography releases the hormone epinephrine, which tends to lock the experience of stimulation in the brain, unlike the mental storage of less "charged" stimuli.3 If viewing pornography is accompanied by masturbation, which it often is, the combined effect heightens the mental images. Such images are very difficult to erase from the memory banks of the brain.
Although you are not responsible for the desires that made you want to fantasize, you are responsible for allowing thoughts, stories, and images into your mind to fuel the fantasies. They make homosexual behavior appear enticing and can lead you into the addictive cycle of visualizing, then rationalizing, then acting.
Pornography influences behavior
The primary male response to viewing pornography is to masturbate. Elder David B. Haight said, "Pornography is not a victimless crime. . . . Pornography is addictive. (See Ensign, March 1984, pp. 32–39.) What may begin as a curious exploration can become a controlling habit. Studies show that those who allow themselves to become drawn to pornography soon begin to crave even coarser content. Continued exposure desensitizes the spirit and can erode the conscience of unwary people. A victim becomes a slave to carnal thoughts and actions. As the thought is father to the deed, exposure can lead to acting out what is nurtured in the mind."4
Pornography feeds feelings of inferiority
Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel explain that "men who have viewed gay pornography may unconsciously compare their bodies (including genitals) with the ‘perfect’ standard of statuesque models. Viewing pornography can reinforce feelings of physical and sexual inferiority."5 No normal person can measure up to the hyper-masculine images found in male pornography. As an individual indulges in pornography, his feelings of inadequacy and envy merge with lust and eroticism and magnify his feelings of sexual attraction toward men.
Andrew Comiskey wrote, "Pornography can become a vehicle through which an individual, empowered by subconscious yearnings, eroticizes another’s manhood in an attempt to take it onto himself. Doing so may be a vicarious attempt to complete a perceived sense of lack in his own masculinity."6 The aesthetically perfect men featured in pornography set up an unrealistic standard by which we compare ourselves, and when we compare their hyper-masculinity to ours, we will invariably feel a deficit and may find it more difficult to accept our own body and gender, as well as to accept other men who don’t measure up to the unrealistic illusion of the porn idols. Thus, "pornography seems to distort how one views himself and others, potentially decreasing his capacity to relate realistically to other men."7
What is pornography?
Besides the obvious magazines, videos, and books, pornography includes anything that arouses you, even if it isn’t graphically explicit. If muscle magazines or clothing catalogs excite you, you may need to avoid them for now. As you work through your problems and become emotionally healthier, you will see these things in a different light.
Eliminate pornography
Dr. William Consiglio counseled, "Rid yourself of all pornographic materials! All erotic magazines, literature, videos, books, pictures, music, letters, or condoms should no longer be a part of your life. It may cost you something financially and emotionally to part with some of these items. The break with all of these things symbolizes a break with a former lifestyle and past and is an indication of a serious decision to change. Don’t hold anything back! Get rid of it all; once and for all!"8
My friend James wrote about his "giant leap of faith" in deciding to dispose of his collection of pornography. "It was a difficult decision to make. I thought I would never get rid of it. I felt like the guys in those pictures were my friends; they were guys I had related to for years. I knew them well. I knew their bodies well. But it was time. I knew I couldn’t just trash them quickly after having a ‘relationship’ with some of them for ten years. It had to be done in a way that I would never forget, yet something permanent, something with ceremony to it. When I announced to my support group that I was going up the canyon to have a ‘burning,’ several others decided to join me.
"We parked the car half way up the canyon. The night was cold but a spirit of warmth and goodness penetrated our souls. In the dark, we carried our last rites in our arms as we searched for a fire pit where the final purge would take place. Once a warm fire was burning, we knew it was time for the ritual to begin. I found that it was more than I could bear to resist looking at my ‘friends’ just one more time—to say goodbye before the permanent destruction. ‘Oh, no! I forgot I had that one! I can’t get rid of him. He’s too beautiful to destroy.’ But my soul kept saying, ‘it’s time.’ The flame consumed all my friends one by one. The pain was great, the anguish pierced my side, but my soul kept saying, ‘it’s time.’
"My companions also threw their pictures on the fire. Bob held back one magazine as though the pain to let it go was too great. Keeping it tucked under his arm like a mother protecting her child, it was safe for a time. Finally the tightly-clutched magazine was thrown into the fire and the pages were separated with a stick so all would be destroyed. Ideal he-man heros disintegrated into nothingness. Envy and lust went up in smoke. Finally, a membership card to a gay club was thrown on the fire as a climax to this funeral of years of lust and envy. As we sat watching the fire burn, the symbolism really hit home. Now that the pornography, lust, and envy had gone up in smoke, we knew that a new era had begun. This was no longer a part of our lives. We felt that our slate was clean. Our self-confidence had been stirred and it had changed us for the better. Several of us felt the presence of heavenly spirits cheering us on in our demonstration of faith."
If you are not yet at the point where you can burn your collection of pornography, consider agreeing not to look at it for a month (or a week). Give any pornographic literature you have to a trusted friend and ask him to lock it away for that length of time. Also agree that for the month you will not to go to a bookstore to find more. By the end of the month, you will have broken some of the compulsive cycles and you can have your friend throw it away.
A friend of mine wrote, "Most days I think I’ve got porn licked for good—then I inevitably get stressed out and have a binge fest. I stupidly use it as a crutch when things get overwhelming. The only motivator that has effectively helped me has been to learn to love myself enough that I now believe I am worth the effort to rise above the trash. Ironically, my wife taught me this lesson. One day she confronted me directly and asked me if I had a problem with pornography. I confessed that I had slowly but surely spiraled out of control into a pornography and masturbation addiction. Then, with great power, she said the magic words: ‘Dear, you are worth far more than the person you become as a pornography addict.’ I finally believed her. I am worth more than the trash. Improving my self-esteem and learning to love and respect myself over the past year has made all the difference."
Endnotes
1. “Personal Morality,” David B. Haight, Ensign, Nov. 1984, pp. 70–73.
2. Kevin Jacobson, reported in Reconciliation’s Victory News, Winter 1996, Reconciliation Ministries, Detroit, MI, p. 4.
3. “Preserving the Past—Hormonal Influences on Memory Storage,” James L. McGaugh, American Psychologist, Feb. 1983, pp. 161-74.
4. “Personal Morality,” David B. Haight, Ensign, Nov. 1984, p. 70.
5. Coming Out of Homosexuality: New Freedom for Men & Women, Bob Davies & Lori Rentzel, Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove, IL, 1993, p. 153.
6. “The Effect of Pornography on Male Homosexuals,” Andrew Comiskey, Hot Thoughts, Desert Stream Ministries, Anaheim, CA, 1996.
7. “The Effect of Pornography on Male Homosexuals,” Andrew Comiskey, Hot Thoughts, Desert Stream Ministries, Anaheim, CA, 1996.
8. Homosexual No More: Practical Strategies for Christians Overcoming Homosexuality, Dr. William Consiglio, Victor Books, Wheaton, IL, 1991, p. 88.
Copyright © 1996 by Century Publishing, PO Box 11307, Salt Lake City, UT 84147. This document may be duplicated and shared electronically for personal use as long as it is copied in its entirety. This notice must appear on all copies. You may reach the author at jasonpark@centurypubl.com
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