Depression & Suicide
A Gospel Approach to Understanding and Reacting to Suicide
What Church leaders have said about suicide and our
response to it
"Suicide consists in the voluntary and
intentional taking of one’s own life, particularly where the person involved
is accountable and has a sound mind.… Persons subject to great stresses
may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that
they are no longer accountable for their acts. Such are not to be
condemned for taking their own lives. It should also be remembered that
judgment is the Lord’s; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of
men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due
course.” (Mormon Doctrine, Bruce R. McConkie, Salt Lake City:
Bookcraft, 1966, p. 771, italics added.)
Elder M. Russell Ballard tells of meeting with the family of
a loved one who committed suicide:
A comment by the youngest son captured the
despair they all felt: “There is no hope for dad now, is there,” he said. It
was more a statement than a question. “All the good things he did throughout
his life don’t matter anymore. Now that he’s taken his life, he will be in
the telestial kingdom throughout eternity.” Then he wept.
The feelings expressed then by those family members are commonly felt by
Latter-day Saints trying to cope with the suicide of a loved one or friend.
The anguish and uncertainty they experience are extremely painful and
difficult.
Sadly, the problem touches many lives. Unfortunately, the problem also
exists among members of the Church as well as non-members.
The act of taking one’s life is truly a tragedy because this single act
leaves so many victims: first the one who dies, then the dozens of
others—family and friends—who are left behind, some to face years of deep
pain and confusion. The living victims struggle, often desperately, with
difficult emotions. In addition to the feelings of grief, anger, guilt, and
rejection which the victims of such a family feel, Latter-day Saints carry
an additional burden. The purpose of our mortal lives, we know, is to prove
ourselves, to eventually return to live in the celestial kingdom. One who
commits suicide closes the door on all that, some have thought, consigning
himself to the telestial kingdom.
Or does he? What is the truth regarding suicide? (M. Russell Ballard,
“Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not,”
Ensign, Oct. 1987, 6)
What the Prophets Have Said
President George Q. Cannon of the First
Presidency made a clear statement about the seriousness of suicide when he
said:
Man did not create himself. He did not
furnish his spirit with a human dwelling place. It is God who created man,
both body and spirit. Man has no right, therefore, to destroy that which he
had no agency in creating. They who do so are guilty of murder, self-murder
it is true; but they are no more justified in killing themselves than they
are in killing others. What difference of punishment there is for the two
crimes, I do not know; but it is clear that no one can destroy so precious a
gift as that of life without incurring a severe penalty.” (Gospel Truth,
2 vols., Salt Lake City: Zion’s Book Store, 1957, 1:30; italics added.)
President Spencer W. Kimball made an equally
strong statement in 1976:
It is a terrible criminal act for a person to
go out and shorten his life by suicide. (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball,
edited by Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 187.)
Only the Lord Has All the Facts
Not long ago I was asked to speak at the
funeral of a dear friend who had committed suicide. Knowing the person and
the circumstances as I did, and researching the doctrine on the subject, I
had some difficult moments in preparing for my remarks. Peace came to me
only when I recognized that only the Lord could administer fair judgment. He
alone had all the facts, and only He would know the intent of the heart of
my friend. I was reconciled with the idea that a lifetime of goodness and
service to others must surely be considered by the Lord in judging the life
of a person. (M. Russell Ballard, “Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We
Do Not,” Tambuli, Mar. 1988, 16)
I feel that judgement for sin is not always as
cut-and-dried as some of us seem to think. The Lord said, “Thou shalt not
kill.” Does that mean that every person who kills will be condemned, no
matter the circumstances? I feel the Lord recognized differences in intent
and circumstances: Was the person who took his life mentally ill? Was he
or she so deeply depressed as to be unbalanced or otherwise emotionally
disturbed? Was the suicide a tragic, pitiful call for help that went
unheeded too long or progressed faster than the victim intended? Did he or
she somehow not understand the seriousness of the act? Was he or she
suffering from a chemical imbalance in their system that led to despair
and a loss of self-control? Obviously, we do not know the full
circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the
details, and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth. When he
does judge us, I feel he will take all things into consideration: our
genetic and chemical makeup, our mental state, our intellectual capacity,
the teachings we have received, the traditions of our fathers, our health,
and so forth. (M. Russell Ballard, “Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some
We Do Not,” Tambuli, Mar. 1988, 16)
Don't Judge
In The Miracle of Forgiveness,
President Spencer W. Kimball gives us insight into the accountability of
some who commit suicide:
A minister acquaintance of mine, whom I knew
rather well, was found by his wife to have hung himself. His thoughts had
taken his life. He had become morose and despondent for two or more years.
Certainly he had not come to suicide in a moment, for he had been a happy,
pleasant person as I had known him. It must have been a long decline, ever
steeper, controllable by him at first and perhaps out of hand as he
neared the end of the trail. No one in his "right mind," and especially
if he has an understanding of the gospel, will permit himself to arrive at
this "point of no return.” (The Miracle of Forgiveness, Salt Lake
City: Bookcraft, 1969, p. 106; italics added.)
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught this
enlightening doctrine:
“While one portion of the human race is
judging and condemning the other without mercy, the Great Parent of the
universe looks upon the whole of the human family with a fatherly care and
paternal regard. … He is a wise Lawgiver, and will judge all men, not
according to the narrow, contracted notions of men, but, ‘according to the
deeds done in the body whether they be good or evil,’ or whether these deeds
were done in England, America, Spain, Turkey, or India. … We need not doubt
the wisdom and intelligence of the Great Jehovah; He will award judgement or
mercy to all nations according to their several deserts, their means of
obtaining intelligence, the laws by which they are governed, the facilities
afforded them of obtaining correct information, and His inscrutable designs
in relation to the human family; and when the designs of God shall be made
manifest, and the curtain of futurity be withdrawn, we shall all of us
eventually have to confess that the Judge of all the earth has done right.”
(Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, edited by Joseph Fielding
Smith, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1938, p. 218.)
Elder M. Russell Ballard explained The
Prophet's words in this way:
"I draw an important conclusion from the
words of the Prophet: Suicide is a sin—a very grievous one, yet the Lord
will not judge the person who commits that sin strictly by the act itself.
The Lord will look at that person’s circumstances and the degree of his
accountability at the time of the act. Of course, this gives us no reason to
excuse ourselves in committing sins, nor will the Lord excuse us, if I
understand correctly. We must constantly strive to do our best in following
the example of the Savior in every aspect of our lives. At the same time,
however, let us remember that spiritual growth comes “line upon line,” that
the key—in the spirit world as well as in mortality—is to keep progressing
along the right path. (M. Russell Ballard, “Suicide: Some Things We Know,
and Some We Do Not,” Tambuli, Mar. 1988, 16)
Suicide Warning Signs Among Youth
Depression in children and adolescents has
been linked with increased risk of suicidal behavior. According to the World
Health Organization, suicide is the third leading cause of death in
adolescents worldwide, and about 100,000 adolescents take their lives each
year. Parents and other adults who are attentive to warning signs can get
youth the help they need when suicide is threatened or attempted. Important
warning signs include:
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Ongoing depression or anxiety.
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Drug and alcohol abuse.
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Conduct problems including impulsive or
aggressive behavior.
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Previous suicide attempts.
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Talking or joking about hurting themselves or
“not being around.”
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Extreme moodiness or feelings of
hopelessness.
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Thoughts about dying.
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Increased isolation or withdrawn behavior.
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Significant sleep and eating changes.
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Noticeable drop in grades or other
activities.
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Giving away possessions.
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Death themes in writing, art, or music.
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Increase in arguing or fighting with parents
or peers.
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Exposure to trauma such as child abuse, rape,
or death of friends or family members.
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Experiencing ongoing harassment or bullying.
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Increased risk-taking with cars or weapons.
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Getting into trouble repeatedly at school or
with the law.
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A specific suicide plan.
It is critical for parents and others to take
warning signs and suicide threats seriously, to listen to youth and stay
close to them, and to immediately refer the child or adolescent to an
appropriate medical or mental health resource for assistance if necessary.
(Sean E. Brotherson, “When Your Child Is Depressed,” Ensign, Aug.
2004, 52–53.)
For more on this topic, see:
Suicide, depression, and abandonment of the
Gospel can often be avoided if love and understanding are shown
Many of us have had feelings of depression,
and rejection. Man's greatest fear is rejection and his greatest need is
acceptance. If we can reach out to those who seem depressed and who don't
seem to 'fit in,' and just allow them to talk it out and have a friend who
cares, that can make all the difference in the world. Below are some good
ideas for those who struggle with depression, and suicidal feelings. These
ideas can also help us know what to suggest to those are are struggling.
The following is from the “Q&A: Questions and
Answers,” New Era, Jan. 1990, 15:
Please, before you do anything else, before
you even finish reading this answer, TELL SOME TRUSTED ADULT ABOUT YOUR
PROBLEM. Tell your parents. Tell your bishop. Tell a counselor at school.
Call the suicide hot line. If these people can’t help you themselves, they
will put you in touch with someone who can. Please don’t feel that it’s
demeaning to ask for help. At some point in our lives almost all of us find
that our coping mechanisms are temporarily overwhelmed by circumstance and
that we need outside help. A multitude of intelligent, successful, and
respected people have sought such help and have benefited from it. If your
life were in danger from fire or poison, you would quickly call for
assistance. When your life is threatened by suicidal thoughts, you can’t
afford to do less. The problem with
answering your question is that while you’re feeling suicidal, the answer
may not mean much. Your condition won’t let it. You wouldn’t be thinking
this seriously about suicide unless you were temporarily suffering from a
serious emotional or chemical imbalance or both. These conditions make it
difficult to have a balanced perspective of life. They filter out the
bright and hopeful truths and let in only the dark and sad.
Nevertheless, here goes. What is there to live for?
Everything! Sunrise and sunset, laughter, music, learning, good friends,
good books, good times. There is a mission, courtship, marriage, family.
There are growth and achievement. There are service and sharing and all
the joy the gospel brings. There is the wonderful adventure of becoming
who you are here to become. There is all this and more.
If you just read that list and saw nothing but dust and ashes, don’t lose
hope. You are not alone. Many are facing this problem and are overcoming
it with the help of those who care about them.
Having said that, here are a couple of practical considerations. As you
already seem to realize, suicide is not really an escape at all. The
person who ends his life in hopes of oblivion will be astonished to learn
that suicide has only made a bad situation that much worse.
Also, many impulsive suicide attempts result not in death but in severe
physical and mental handicaps that must be faced throughout a long
lifetime of regret.
Please understand that no one is questioning your pain. It is very real.
Perhaps you have been abused. Perhaps you have lost a loved one to death.
Maybe you feel you’re a failure because you got a low grade or didn’t make
an athletic team. Maybe your “one true love” dropped you for somebody
else. Perhaps you have a handicap and are excluded by those who should be
supporting you. Maybe a hormonal imbalance has cast you into a deep
depression. All these things and many others can temporarily make life
seem a burden.
But life is constantly changing. Hang on, seek help, and in a few days or
weeks or months, you will look around and discover that things are better.
If this started with some unhappy event in your life, remember that
millions before you have dealt with their grief, have overcome their
handicaps, have gone on to find new goals, new friends, new sweethearts,
and to live happy, productive lives.
If you are suffering from depression brought about by a chemical
imbalance, there are medicines that can end your depression and let the
light shine into your life again.
One way or another things will get better. It may take some time and some
effort, but whatever the ache, whatever the sorrow, whatever the hurt,
whatever the problem—it really can get better. Why should you end your
life just when things are about to improve?
Achieving this improvement is definitely not a do-it-yourself project; you
will need the help of qualified adults. Still, there are many things you
can do to help yourself, and each is a better option than suicide. Here
are just a few:
1. Remember who you are. If someone is putting you down or abusing you or
making you feel bad, remember that first, last, and always—and in spite of
anybody and anything—you are in fact a child of God.
2. Pray. And if you feel that things are so bad that not even prayer will
help—then “experiment … and exercise a particle of faith … [and] let this
desire work in you” (Alma 32:27). Prayer really can help—if you’ll give it
a fair try.
3. Talk to somebody. It helps. When things get bad it helps a lot.
4. Immerse yourself in the gospel. Taking the sacrament will help.
Attending seminary will help. Reading the scriptures will help. (Start
with the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5–7.) Repenting of your sins and
shortcomings will help. And, having repented, learn to forgive yourself.
The Savior atoned for your sins, and it is unwise and unhealthy to condemn
yourself for weaknesses you are truly striving to overcome.
5. Serve others. Volunteer at the hospital. Donate some time at the
library. Teach retarded children to swim. Help a struggling young mother
clean up her kitchen. As difficult as it will be to get started, service
to others will help you feel better about yourself.
6. Remember that Satan is in a jealous rage because you have a body while
he doesn’t. He would love to see you discard your life and your body. When
Satan tempts you to end your life, talk to your Father in Heaven about
it—right out loud if you want. Plead for his help. Don’t worry too much
about the four steps of prayer, just TALK to him. Pray all day long if you
need to. He will never grow tired of listening.
7. Don’t allow yourself to be alone and depressed. Call an adult you
respect on the telephone. Listen to uplifting music. Start a hobby or
collection. Make a new friend. Take your little brother to the gym and
shoot some baskets.
8. Work on physical fitness. Go jogging. Go swimming. Go swat some tennis
balls. Go for a hike. When you are physically fit, all the rest of
you—your mind and spirit and emotions—will feel better, too. (Some medical
research even suggests that aerobic exercise stimulates release of a
natural antidepressant.)
9. If all else fails, postpone it. Don’t do it now. Wait until tomorrow,
or next week. Chances are very good that when you get to tomorrow or next
week, things will have changed enough that you won’t want to do it.
And if things still look bad, then postpone it again. It’s wrong. You know
it’s wrong. You know it would only make matters worse. Postpone it some
more. Take positive steps to make things better. Postpone it until things
really do start getting better. Then forget it.
Someday you’ll look back and think about this difficult time and be really
grateful that the Younger You stuck it out so that the Older You could
lead a happy, satisfying life. You’ll be glad you took positive steps to
make things better.
And things will get better. That’s a promise.
See also: Sean E. Brotherson,
"When
Your Child Is Depressed," Ensign, Aug. 2004, 52–53.
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