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My Testimony

by Matt

Given at the 17th Annual Evergreen conference, September 22, 2007

During the past two and one-half years my testimony of both the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the spiritual refuge found in Evergreen has grown by leaps and bounds.

I first became involved with Evergreen 12 or 13 years ago (my rocky journey through the world of SGA is not something I‘ve detailed in my journal). I stuck with it for about three years, then felt it was time to move on. In retrospect, I was still in denial about my sexual feelings and I had convinced myself that depression was something that affected other people, but not me.

Growing up with alcoholic parents, I quickly learned that the best defense was to lock out all of my feelings and go into hiding emotionally. This detachment was further bolstered by my career in journalism, where I was trained not to become emotionally involved in my stories.

When my father committed suicide—I was 21 and he was in his early 50s—I cried for about five minutes, then told myself that that was enough. Get on with it.

Then about two and a half years ago, I attempted to take my own life—“like father, like son“ was my distorted reasoning.

Obviously I botched the job. Later, when I finally told my bishop about my attempted suicide, he lovingly told me that in this particular case, failure was a good thing.

After spending one morning in an emergency room, the doctor there suggested therapy and recommended a man who literally saved my life—Jim Lewis, who has been an Evergreen International conference presenter.

A combination of one-on-one therapy, group therapy and getting back into Evergreen—an organization which I found had changed quite a bit since I left more than a decade before—has given me a new and positive outlook on life.

Oh, yeah—my family physician’s prescription for Prozac has helped, too.

One of my group therapy experiences—a Saturday at the “ropes course” in Provo—was especially powerful. It drove home the absolute truth that we cannot take care of our problems alone. It takes teamwork and trust.

During the past couple of years I have come to the conclusion that the right combination of teammates is of utmost importance.

My most loving and trusted teammates are my Father in Heaven, my elder brother, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. This team of 24x7 supporters will never let you down. But we have to invite them to get involved.

My Evergreen support group brothers are also part of the team. There is a spiritual bond that is almost indescribable during our weekly meetings. Evergreen is a place of safety and unconditional love. I have gained friendships in Evergreen that will be life-long, because these are guys who are comfortable in talking about their deepest struggles, problems and successes. It’s the “buddy system" taken to a whole new level.

Ironically, in my professional career I deal almost continually with people in the performing arts community, many of whom are flamboyantly gay and lesbian. Several of my friends in the arts world were once active LDS, but have been led into the dark world of same-sex activity. They’ve been convinced that change is impossible. They have bought into the “born-that-way” lie.

It truly is a war zone out there. Satan and his legions detest Evergreen and how it adheres to the principles of the LDS Church.

I’ve been very fortunate. I’ve had three bishops in the past few years who have been so compassionate and loving. The bishop I met with two years ago and unloaded my problems to is now my stake president. The bishop who took his place is just as loving and supportive. He attended the Evergreen Conference last year and thought it was a great experience.

Over the past few months I have built an almost missionary zeal regarding the positive experiences and hope that Evergreen provides.

The pro-gay forces out there are constantly rallying others with their distorted message and we need to spread the word to those who are struggling with SGA that there IS a way out of the addiction.

It’s not easy. There is no magic bullet. It may take several years or even a lifetime, but our addictions can be managed and controlled.

My testimony has grown with seeing the many miracles in others’ lives in Evergreen—friends who have gone back to the temple, others who are planning to serve full-time missions, and husbands who have been able to build stronger relationships with their families.

Maybe these aren’t spectacular Cecil B. DeMille caliber miracles, but they’re one-step-at-a-time miracles that move us in the right direction.

Again, I do have a testimony of Christ’s atoning sacrifice and a testimony of His Gospel and the great support that Evergreen International provides.

And I testify of this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.