Message from a Friend

by Tod Richards

On April 27, 1994, I heard the words, "your test came back positive." "What?!" I exclaimed, breaking into a sweat. That couldn't be. "How could I be positive?" I asked it over and over.

Thus began a journey I never expected to take. At the time I was living In Texas and my wife was waiting for me in Utah. I was finishing school and would be joining her in two weeks. We had planned to start our family immediately upon graduation and each time we talked she sounded more and more excited. I tried to keep my voice sounding positive, knowing that as soon as I got to Salt Lake, her dreams would be shattered.

On May 12, 1994 I took my wife into the mountains and told her the news. There is no possible way I can describe the agony I felt as I told her that she would have to be tested for HIV. Here was a women who had kept all the commandments all her life suddenly facing a preventable, terminal disease even though she had done nothing wrong.

I made an appointment for her and that afternoon we drove to the county clinic and she was tested. I sat in that waiting room feeling ugly, dirty, and worthy only of contempt. The next ten days were hell, waiting for the test results to come back. Finally, the day arrived and we drove down together. With each minute that passed while I waited outside, the more convinced I was that I had infected my wife. It was bad enough that I had placed a death sentence on my head, but unforgivable that I might have done the same to a totally innocent person. Finally she emerged and quietly told me that her test was negative. I started to cry. If it had been positive, I would have been suicidal.

Slowly our lives have resumed some form of normalcy. We have started investigating other means of having a family, since that is still a strong desire for both of us. There are few avenues open to us.

With the help of friends, bishops, and counselors I am working through the grief process and getting my affairs in order. One avenue I had to pursue was finding out who infected me. Through some investigative work, I learned who it was, and learned that he had infected many, many others. Also, I learned that I contracted the disease in Salt Lake! Yes, Salt Lake. I always thought that Salt Lake was a small enough town that AIDS wasn't a problem. "Big cities like New York, L.A., San Francisco had problems, but not Sat Lake! People infected with the disease did not visit Salt Lake and infect others. There are few diagnosed cases of AIDS in Salt Lake, therefore the risk should be small."

Sadly, I was wrong. There is a big AIDS problem in Salt Lake. The mere fact that there are few diagnosed cases only means that there are a lot of undiagnosed cases cruising around infecting others. There are hundreds, if not thousands of men in Salt Lake who do not know that they are infected, and they are having sex with you. Infecting you. Salt Lake is a town of surfaces. What is on the surface is what is most important, and getting tested is not what is best for surface impressions. Therefore, men are not being tested and go about infecting others. I wish that I could stand on top of Ensign Peak and tell this to the city. I sincerely hope that you will believe me. Salt Lake is even more dangerous than New York for catching HIV and AIDS, because men are not being careful and are not being tested.

As for being careful, there is no such thing as "Safe Sex." While a condom is an effective barrier, it is certainly not fool proof . Many break, many leak, and many still allow the virus to pass through. Also, oral sex is not safe. Research is finding more and more men are being infected through oral sex.

Another myth is that it takes being exposed several times to the virus before becoming infected. WRONG!! I was exposed once! One time is all that it takes! Don't be lulled into a false sense of security! I know many of you are saying that "This guy didn't know what he was doing. It won't, or can't, happen to me." My friends, yes it can, yes it will! I cannot be forceful enough in this matter!. I felt like I was well educated in the matter of HIV and it's transmission. I thought I knew how to protect myself. I thought I knew what I was doing. I was not naive or uneducated, but now I am infected.

If getting infected yourself, or infecting your spouse is not enough to get you to quit having male sex, then you fathers think about your children. If you are infected and subsequently infect your wives, then your children eventually will be left orphans. Maybe they will be grown and out on their own before both of you die. But what if they are still babes? Who will raise them? Who will teach them? These are questions that are not pleasant to think about, yet must be asked.

Stop the madness now! You have taken a very important first step by joining Evergreen. Follow the guidelines, internalize the lessons. Most importantly, go see your Bishop. There is no possible means of escape without the Lord's help. It is the most important vital aspect to getting free.

How do I know this? I have a special friend who has been encouraging me to talk to my bishop for years. I was too afraid while in Salt Lake. Finally, and too late for me, I did speak with my Bishop. I instantly felt the help of the Lord. I'm not saying that all temptation has stopped or that I no longer struggle. I do. However, I am able to handle the temptations better and I don't give in to them. I do not say that I am free of this awful condition, but I am further along than I have ever been before. On my own, there is no way that I can succeed. I tried for years and failed. Now I have the Lord's help, help from my wife (who is not infected thank God), and help from my Bishop. With all these people helping me, I can overcome this and be free.

I do not mean to preach, but this is so important to us all. Stop before it is too late for you. Stop before you infect someone else. Stop and ask for the Lord's help to get free.

We can overcome this. We can free ourselves from this awful condition. We can be whole men as God's plan calls for us to be. We can stop the self destructive behavior, the deadly behavior. And the only way this can happen is if we truly want to be free, and believe that God can heal us. Then we must have the strength to stand by our conviction to change and not give in to each little impulse. It's tough!! But I know it can be done.
 

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