In my profession, I consult with companies and work one-on-one with
executives to teach them management and leadership skills. A problem I see
time and time again is a breakdown in the balance of responsibility,
accountability, and authority. Not only can it be a source of failure in
companies, but also in individuals.
Responsibility is an agreement between two or more people for the purpose of
achieving a desired result. The expected results should be mutually
understood and accepted by all parties.
Accountability is a consequence of assigned responsibility. When a person
has the responsibility over a given task, he must be held accountable to
achieve the desired result.
Authority is the ability given to a person to complete the assigned
responsibility. It includes access to the appropriate resources (personnel,
money, equipment, etc.) to complete the job.
It is important that these three be in balance. A manager must assign
responsibility, hold the person accountable, and delegate the proper
authority. How does this relate to you if you wish to take control of your
life and make significant changes? You need to take personal responsibility
for your actions and the direction of your life, be accountable to someone,
and exercise the proper authority (1) by giving yourself permission to take
action and (2) by giving permission to someone else to check up on you.
Responsibility
Satan would have you believe that you are not responsible for your
exercise of free agency in this life because you were "born this way" and
have no control over your homosexual actions. However, the gospel of Jesus
Christ teaches that individual responsibility is an eternal law. We are
responsible to control our impulses so we can keep the commandments and
realize our eternal destiny.
The first step is to take full, personal responsibility for what you have
been, what you are, and what you will become. Even though you didn't ask for
homosexual desires, take responsibility for your life today. Don't feed your
self-pity by acting like a victim of life and external situations. Don't
blame your environment or your genes for your problems. You are not a
helpless victim of circumstance. You are a son of God with divine rights and
abilities. You did not choose your feelings and attractions but you do
choose how to respond to them and your ability to change will be in direct
proportion to the control you determine to take over your life.
In the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey talks
about people who absolve themselves of responsibility. "It's so much safer
to say: I am not responsible. If I say I am responsible, I might have to
say, I am irresponsible. It would be very hard for me to say that I have the
power to choose my response and that the response I have chosen has resulted
in my involvement in a negative, collusive environment, especially if for
years I have absolved myself of responsibility for results in the name of
someone else's weaknesses."
In the short term, it may be easier to avoid problems than to face them. I
have a friend who is an expert at denial. Denial is his best friend. But
hiding from things that are troublesome only makes them worse in the long
run. Problems are best solved by facing them head-on.
Accountability
Accountability is an eternal principle. We read the following in the
Doctrine and Covenants:
" It is wisdom in me; therefore, a commandment I give unto you, that ye
shall organize yourselves and appoint every man his stewardship; That every
man may give an account unto me of the stewardship which is appointed unto
him. For it is expedient that I, the Lord, should make every man
accountable, as a steward over earthly blessings, which I have made and
prepared for my creatures." D&C 104:11-13
In life, we are accountable to God for everything he gives us. In the
parable of the talents, the servants were held accountable for the talents
they received and they were expected to increase them. (See Matthew
25:14-30.) In a church calling, we are held accountable to our priesthood
leader who holds regular personal priesthood interviews with us. Those who
have received their endowments in the temple will remember the training they
received about reporting progress and being accountable. Accountability
helps us keep our integrity and it helps us grow.
In our struggle with homosexuality, we need to identify who we will be
accountable to.
To yourself. (This is discussed in more detail later in the book. [See the
section Monitoring Progress in the chapter Developing a Personal Plan of
Action. To God, in daily prayer, confessing our weaknesses and asking for
His strength to make it through the day. To your bishop or branch president
for sins that should be confessed. To your therapist for how well you are
following the plan of action you establish. To a confidant. We often need a
friend in whom we can confide. This may be someone who also has a personal
struggle with homosexuality, but it could be simply a close friend who cares
about you. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,
that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man
availeth much.( James 5:16)
Once you identify the person you wish to help you with accountability, talk
specifically about the things you want him to hold you accountable for. For
example, you may wish to commit to call him whenever you feel tempted to act
out. Or if you have a problem with cruising on the way home from work,
commit to call him each evening to account for what you did on the way home.
Give him specific questions you want him to ask you. It is very important to
be completely honest with him. If you've slipped, you may be tempted not to
tell him the whole truth. But remember, you've made an agreement with him
for the purpose of helping you and it will do no good to hide the truth from
him, even a little.
Authority
The next step is to give this person the authority or permission to check
up on you .Since you asked him to follow up on you, don't get upset with him
when he asks difficult questions. If you feel frustrated or controlled,
remember that you asked him to check up on you.
With this accountability agreement, be careful that you don't try to shift
to him part of the responsibility for your actions. You cannot blame him if
he does not call you, or if you could not reach him in an emergency. You are
fully responsible for your own actions. His job is to remind you of that. As
you learn to be accountable correctly, you will feel self-empowered.
Another aspect of accountability is that you need to recognize that you have
authority over your own life and you must give yourself permission to take
action. Because of past failures, you may feel powerless to take action. But
as you exercise authority over your own life, you'll soon find that you can
make significant changes in your life. You can take action and it will make
a difference.
Adapted from the book Resolving Homosexual Problems: A Guide for LDS Men,
by Jason Park. Copyright 1996 by
Century Publishing, PO Box 11307,
Salt Lake City, UT 84147. This document may be duplicated and shared
electronically for personal use as long as it is copied in its entirety.
This notice must appear on all copies. You may reach the author at
jasonpark@centurypubl.com.
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